After discovering that Passport Canada charged my credit card on February 27th for the processing of Skip's passport, I thought it might be a good idea to 'track the progress of an application' over at their 1-800 number.
As you may recall, my credit card was charged back on the 13th of February for the processing of MY passport, and I received the blessed document on the 22nd. A very respectable turn-around time, if I do say so myself. All things being equal, one might assume that Skip's passport was in imminent danger of arriving in my hot little hands this week.
So I'm on the phone...
[cue the Jeopardy Final Jeopardy clock-timer doo-BEE-doo-BEE-doo-dee-doooooooo music]
There are.... eight... callers ahead of me in line...
Oh look at the grot that I've stashed in the pull-out drawer under my laptop on my desk. Clean that off. Toss that out. Ooh, a menu from Nate's first month at school this year. Probably a bit out of date. Toss!
There are.... SIX... callers ahead of me in line...
Why do I have three unmatched socks in a pile under the desk? This is kind of stupid. Oh crap, and there's the puppet body prototype behind the laptop. Man, I've gotta get going on those. I need to have 10 made by tomorrow. Glad I looked there...
There are.... FOUR... callers ahead of me in line...
Hmm. My page-a-day knitting calendar is still stuck on February 23rd. flip flip flip flip. March 3rd stitch is boring. Good thing it's the 5th. Seed stitch? Blah. Oh wait. It's the 6th...
There are.... TWO callers ahead of me in line....
This is making me think that there are 2 customer service people, and they're dispatching the callers with a great degree of speed. I hope my call will be just as fast.
There are... ONE caller ahead of me in line...
Ooh. Should I do my hair? Apply lipstick? Wanna look my best for this phone call.
*click* You are the next caller. Please have a pencil and paper ready to record any important information.
[rifles around for a pencil that's not broken to the wood. Ack! No pencils! Where are the pencils?]
Oh crap. I just about peed myself when she said "Ah, that passport has been accepted, and is being processed. You can expect it to be sent to you on or around the TWENTY-Foo......"
Of course, I did.
"It can't be sent on the Twenty fourth. We have to travel on the twenty FIRST."
"Oh, but madam, the processing time for this kind of document is six weeks..."
"WAAAAAAH. You don't understand. That would have been FINE back in JANUARY when I first submitted the passport for renewal. But I was lulled into a false sense of security last month when my passport arrived EIGHT DAYS after my credit card was charged, EVEN THOUGH YOU PUT THE WRONG ADDRESS ON THE DHL ENVELOPE...."
"What? A wrong address?"
So then I got to let them know that I did NOT, in fact, live on SHERBROOKE AVENUE, even though I know that it's a completely valid address in EVERY TOWN IN ONTARIO AND QUEBEC, but, please, I live in California, and I *KNOW* that I didn't put that down on ANY of my paperwork.
"Oh, that is a typo, then, and I will check your paperwork. Yes, you do not have that on your application, and that address is not in the system. But madam, please know that there is a huge volume, and the time frame is long for a reason..."
"Yes, but when I TALKED TO YOU LAST MONTH, someone there said "re-submit with a letter and a photocopy of your travel arrangements, and we will do what we can", and I BELIEVED YOU!"
"Well, madam, I will put a note on the file that you are traveling soon, but if the passport has left the processing, and has gone to printing, it is out of our hands..."
"Waaaaah" (because I'm all mature like that)
"And I would suggest that you call back on Monday or Tuesday, and see if we can give you a tracking number for DHL."
"Wha? Oh, ok. That's still in good time. You rock!"
So now I'm a basket case, because I just went through the "Skip's gonna miss France" wringer yet again, and I got to do it WHILE TALKING ON THE PHONE, (which is something I hate more than fried mushrooms in arsenic sauce, anyways!), and I'm wondering what incredibly bad-for-me food I can eat to take the edge off.
Big Boo Cast: Episode 112
56 minutes ago