Doukhobors Mock Me

Doukhobors Mock Me

3/25/2006

I was out at Mollie Stones the other day, trolling for things to make for supper.

Imagine my shock and delight to find, in the frozen dessert section, a big pack of "Uncle [somebody]'s Vareniki" (I've forgotten the actual name, but I do remember thinking "Now THERE is a good Mennonite name!" I think on the back of the package it said something like "Made from a handed down recipe, by hand, by the [insert good Menno name, like "Peters" or "Wiebe"] family" It'd been SO LONG since I'd found a source for yummy pierogies, and I wasn't gonna let the slightly-too-small size of these little pierogies (so he wants to call his mini-pierogies "Vareniki"? Who am I to argue. Bring on the sour cream!) deter me.

I was sold.

It'd been SO long since I'd had good authentic pierogies, that I just snatched that package up. Yeah, they were a little on the small side. And I was trying to figure out why they'd been hidden back in a corner of the frozen dessert aisle, but I wasn't gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.

I took those bad boys home, and, with my mouth already watering, got ready to make Ken and I a good pierogie feast like we hadn't really seen since we left Canada.

Boil the water.

Fry the onions.

Open the package.

Look curiously at a small container of frozen dark pink sauce. Set said container aside. Don't have a clue what that is.

Boil the baby-pierogies until they float. Carefully transfer them to the caramelizing onions, frying in butter.

Ken walks into the kitchen, sniffing the luxurious smells of frying onions, etc.

Him: Hey! You found pierogies? (He looks in the pan) They're a bit small, though. Sort of look more like vareniki...

Me: Yeah. They're vareniki. But don't they look yummy.

Him: Hmmm. Back in my Waterloo (one of his alma maters, deep in the heart of Mennonite Ontario) days, we'd have vareniki at the farmers' market, but they were always served with sweet sauce and powdered sugar.

Me: (as realization starts to dawn) Um, so maybe that's why I found them in the frozen dessert aisle?

Go ahead, all you Mennonites and Doukobors and Hutterites. Laugh.

Laugh at the Menno wannabe. Laugh as I tell you that I made us choke down those sweet little morsels, all covered in onions and sour cream.

But you better believe that the NEXT time I make vareniki, I won't be cutting any onions.