Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Lying liars, and the lies they tell.

Skip seems to be on track to have a half-decent "No Tobacco" presentation ready to go at 8:30 tomorrow morning. It's gonna be one of those whacky will-it-all-fall-into-place mornings, though. He's got Jazz Band at 7:15, and I've promised one of Nate's classmates' parents that I would take their daughter to school all this week while they're out of the country and Grandma is watching the kids, so I've got the 3-school tango thing going down in the morning, but I have to do it all EARLY because I need to be back at Middle School at 8:25 to get Skip, so he can be in Kelly's class by 8:30, when they come in from the playground for Roll Call.

And crap, I just remembered that I promised a friend that I'd go to the gym with her tomorrow at 9. That ain't happening. Whoopsie.

But I'm pretty sure that things won't go smoothly.


Because I'm a lying liar, and I lie, lie, lie.

Exhibit A:

The phone rings.

Me: Hello?
Phone: long awkward silence, followed by a rustling and a quick, chirpy "Hello!" [nuts, it's the automatic dialer!]
Me: Hello?
Phone: Hello, is this Mrs. Parker?
Me: Sorry, she's out right now, can I take a message?

Exhibit B:

The phone rings.

Me: Hello?
Phone: another long awkward silence, another quick, chirpy "Hello!"
Me: [sigh]
Phone: This is Christie from the Something-or-other Consumer Opinion Something-Something.
Me: [sigh]
Phone: First, I would like to assure you that we are not selling anything, nor trying to sway you in any way, and this call is going to be short. Are you the decision maker in the home?
Me: [oh, I could lie and say no... but I'm remembering Exhibit A from earlier in the day] Yes, I am.
Phone: And for demographic purposes, can I have your age.
Me: Thirty Seven [noting the irony of 'I'm not old... I'm 37' from Monty Python]
(Lightning doesn't strike. Hmm. I just passed a lie)
Phone: Wonderful. And now, all these questions will be about technology in the home. Do you have a working DVD player attached to a working television in your home?
Me: [thinking: ALL THESE QUESTIONS? This is going to take forever...] Oh, I'm sorry, we don't have a DVD player.
Phone: Oh, well thank you for your time. *click*

Now, TECHNICALLY, apart from the blatant lie about my age, I was truthful here. We don't have A DVD player, we have TWO. And more, if you could the fact that the computers can play DVDs.

Exhibit C:

The phone rings.

Me: Hello?
Phone [another awkward silence and chirpy (yet masculine) "Hello!"]
Me: rats
Phone: Is this Mrs. Parker?
Me: um... no... speaky... English... Bye-bye

For those of you playing the "Will Her Passport Come In Time" home game, there is nothing to report. Hmm. Maybe if I was more truthful, I would be rewarded with Passport News.

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